A Reused Diamond Shows Who Still Cares

NBA Banter And Player Takes

Hi everybody, welcome back to another episode of the According to West Podcast. As always, we uh D Law here.

We got D Law about to break sobriety in the building.

You have me West. Uh I should be drinking, but I left everything upstairs.

You left everything upstairs?

Nah, and I gotta go, I gotta finish doing some yacht work, so uh I'm gonna go out there and uh maybe afterwards, you know. I don't think no uh games come on tonight, so yeah.

I figured you wouldn't be interested in no games.

I don't think you make it, so I don't even want to hear that. I don't want to hear that.

Hey, look, we knew we were gonna have a bad season.

Oh my god.

So I mean looking fat, man. It's what it is. You know, we we put up a good fight, we got last place in front of the wizards. I think the wizards had the better the worst record. So I'm looking at that as uh a moral win. A moral win. Only because in the grand scheme of it, when we get Hanborough back, we still got our team together, and we can we can get a number one draft pick to fill. We got number one draft pick to field a vegan spot, whether it's a dominant big man down here that can protect the paint or a really good two-way small forward.

Yeah, that's what y'all really need.

Because with them getting rid of Benedict, I mean I was like, that's the future, but he's gone. He out there in clippers, clipper land.

Yeah. Why not the Knicks?

Well, the Pistons forced the game seven. If they can win, I think they got a better chance of beating the Knicks.

That's because that's no well. I mean, yeah, maybe. Yeah, I know Isaiah Stewart was that much uh that good of a defensive player.

Oh, yeah, that dude is uh beast on the on the defensive end.

I never knew that. I I watched the full game because I was always catching uh highlights of the uh of Detroit and the ship. So I watched the full game the other night. I was like, oh shit, he really be balking shit over here.

And look, and and it and it makes him more dangerous now because he added a three-point shot. And then he's supposed to be slimmer.

Don't he look slimmer?

Yeah, yeah. But you know what? He he he is uh I'm not gonna say a Draymond. No, because see, Draymond, he he I'm not gonna say he wants to be tough because I'm not gonna say he's not tough. I'm not gonna say that he go out there really about it, but he draymon to me is not an Isaiah Stewart. Isaiah Stewart is like this you this this this generation is Charles Oakley.

If you where Draymond once wanted to be.

Exactly. Where he wanted so Draymond reminds me more of a uh untalented Charles Barkley.

I knew you was gonna say that. I knew you I didn't know the untalented part, but I knew you were gonna say Charles Barkley. I knew you were gonna say that.

I mean, because I'm not gonna say, you know, Charles will get into people, but Charles ain't really trying to get into nobody, he just out there just to frustrate you. Yeah, you know, I can't call him a Dennis Robin because Dennis Robin is very yeah, yeah, you know, and very athletic. Draymond to me is was very is very unathletic. He can defend, he could defend lower tier people and some high elite people at his position. But when they were like, Oh, he can guard the five, when you saw a clip of him guarding the five, he was guarding like low level five. I'm like, I said he gets exposed, just like um when they kept saying LeBron could guard one through five. No, he can't. They tried to put LeBron on David West when they played the paces in the playoffs, and David West gave him the work until they switched him off because Paul George was torching his ass. It's like, dude, you're supposed to be this elite defender. You were getting torched by two people.

I think some people just have what I say is um, like you know how they say freak athletes and stuff like that. With those freak athletes, comes good control of their body, like they can just kind of innately do what they need to do. There's no I ain't gonna say there's no talent in it, the talent develops and shit like that around that. But it's like, well, if I need to swap that ball, I'll figure out a way to swap that ball, swap that ball, even if I gotta duck my head under the backboard a little bit just to get to it. I know how to do all that in real time. Don't know how I did it. I did it like that type of thing.

Yeah, I mean, you know, and I used to and I used to think Draymond was a decent player. I'm gonna say the best, but I'm a decent player. But what really exposed him to me.

What's his 2K rating? Your your your his no, your personal 2k rating for him.

That's 72. Oh 72. And look, and that's that was his 2k rating, 2k. I want to say he got in the league, what 2k12 or whatever, and 2k13. That was his rating then, and and I and I only said okay.

At his prime, what is his rating then? Still 72? That's the best, maybe an 81. I was gonna say 85.

Nah, I couldn't give him an 85. At his at his prime, at his prime, he he was able to be covered up for his offensive stuff with Stephan Clay. When you really look at Draymond's prime, where they were really praising him for being a walking triple double or whatever, and bring being able to do all these things, he was he was covered up on offense by those two because they were dropping at least 40 to 50 of those points. He put up what he was putting up 10 points, 10 assists, 10 rebounds.

Should She Expose The Diamond

Okay, that's and I'm not gonna say that's gonna be I'm not saying that's not but if but if you're if you're it's not, but if you're for the assist, if your goal is to get it to one of them two motherfuckers, you're gonna get 10 easily. The internet needs your help once again. Oh man, yeah, this one's crazy.

I feel like Batman now. I'm gonna start saying I am Batman. You gotta have a cool little thing. Batman. Oh, I am Batman. Here we go.

So this lady wants to know if she is wrong for telling her ex-husband's fiance that he's using a diamond from a ring that he once had in their marriage. Before you answer, this is what she says.

You knew I was gonna say, uh no.

She's not wrong. All right, listen to this. My ex-husband and I have been divorced for two years and separated for four. During mediation, we he wanted to, he wanted the 2.5 karat diamond back from the engagement slash wedding ring he gave me. And I agreed. We co-parent our two kids relatively well, but overall, he terrifies me and can be vengeful. I hope he's nice. I hope he's nice to whatever partner he's with and treats them better than he did me. He recently got engaged to someone he's been dating only for six months. The kids have no idea he was had no idea he was going to propose. Why about I tell my kids? They've been living together for the past three months.

But he was probably already fucking her well beforehand. Six months.

Nah, that's six months to you. They've been living together for the past three months. The way I found out was uh through the kids, whereas I prefer to give co-parenting heads. I prefer to give co-parenting heads up on things that would impact the kids. My daughter voluntarily said that the diamond looks a lot like mine. It did have distinct occlusions. If I if I see his new fiance and confirm that the diamond is my old one, part of me wants to be like, dang, girl, he used the same diamond. You deserve better. But then again, it will be a bit petty and could stir some unwanted contention. If I was in her shoes, though, I would I would want to know. My inclination is that he wouldn't disclose that to her about the ring. What would you do?

She wouldn't want to know for real. I could tell you that now. I ain't I ain't even got your thing. She wouldn't want to know.

That was it. That is the whole thing. What would you do? That's what she was asking. Like what what what should she do? What would you do?

What would I do? I wouldn't give a fuck. You know why? Because if I'm her, hey, I already gave the ring back. That that he gave me.

It's not even the same ring, it's just a diamond.

Ain't shit gonna change. He still gonna be like, yeah, I gave it to that bitch, but she ain't with me now.

My whole thing is this shit sounds so uh it sounds so unbelievable, but it sounds so petty. Like your daughter just off the rip, like, yeah, it looks like the same diamond that you had. It's just like how would you know?

She'd been better off saying that uh I told my daughter to uh spy on him because that's what it sounds like. She really told her to do go spy on your daddy, make sure he ain't fucking no new bitches.

And but at the same time, if they've been divorced, if they've been divorced for two years and separated for four.

That would be nothing.

No, yeah, I get that. But my whole but my whole thing is even if that is the same diamond, it wasn't the same. I don't women are very particular about that. I can't say that I would care if I was in her shoes because I'm still thinking of it, thinking about it with my man brain. You know what I mean? I mean, don't ask for the shit back though. You gave it back. Like, what does it even matter? That's what I'm saying. Let's just say, aside from that, what does it even matter that I'm doing that? You gave it back. You gave it back. So let's just say I wanted to use that diamond with a whole nother cluster of diamonds. Well, you know, diamonds on the band and some other shit, and I get some custom made shit. I'm not allowed to do that. It's not even the same band.

She's just jealous. That's all that shit is. I mean, because I look at it the way I see it. I done, I done gave you this, you done gave me this diamond back. All right, cool. Whatever. We bet we're divorced, we co-parent. The fact that you're even worried about what my what my daughter said that I gave this woman is is none of your business. It ain't none of that, none of that shit that you be worried about. Right now, you should be worried about making sure that you find somebody that's gonna go in and out your pussy right now. Clearly, you're worried about what what my dick is going in right now, and it's it shouldn't matter right now.

What's crazy is that she says, Oh, he can be uh he terrifies me and can be vengeful. So why would you feel like I feel like that's a lie? Because why would you even ask for advice about like, yo, should I tell his uh his new joint that hey, you know that diamond that's on your hand? That look like it's probably from my ring. I could tell. Like what is the point is? What is the it sounds like you still want him? That's what exactly. That's what it sounds like.

Sound like you still want them. It sounds like you trying to fuck his shit up because you judge that you couldn't find you nobody.

You don't have to say anything at all, actually.

At all.

None of it pertains to you. Now, if you want to talk behind my back to your friends and your family and shit, you do so. You do so, but and what I gotta give you confirmation that I ain't use it, you're stirring up trouble. Because what if it's not even what it is?

Because look, if she wouldn't be so worried about it if she had somebody digging her out.

Yo, question for you. Let's let's reverse this a little bit to something that matters to us with a new train. PS5 just happened to be there, and you over there and shit. And she's like, you know what? You can have this drain. I don't and you don't and you know, she ain't give you no no background information. The PS5 is just there. She's like, yo, this yours. When you over here, this yours. You're not gonna say, hey, so how you get a whole PS5 if you don't play video games, or we're gonna let that ride.

I've seen some strange things in my time. We'll just say this. Uh that already happened to you before? Nah, not no, not to me. I wish. I wish somebody just gave me a random PS5 out of nowhere. I'm telling you, that would be amazing. A random PS5? Shit. But um, no, I wouldn't ask no questions. Oh, you give me a PS5? All right, as long as nobody came over to ask me, you know, how'd you get that PS5? I ain't worried about where the fuck the PS5 came from.

So I don't understand why that would matter to a woman though.

Because they're they're different than us. You understand? We they could be mad at us and we not even know. And to us, we're like, man, this is so peaceful in this motherfucker.

Yeah, don't do that, yeah. But yeah, I get what you're saying. I get what you're saying. I've been able to watch the game, I've been able to do this, this, and this. She ain't asking me to do shit, and then you be like, yo, you all right? What's going on? You can't realize I'm mad. No, I did not.

I could not, it's been so peaceful in this motherfucker.

I did not. I apologize for not realizing that you hate me right now.

My role was why you you hate me, right? What do I do to your raggedy ass?

Julia, she she in the wrong for that. Like, you that shouldn't even be a question. Just stay out of this business. If y'all been co-parenting well, that's what you need in life. That's all you need in life.

She wants them back. That's that's what the boys now. She wants them back, and she wants them back to the city. So here's the thing that he found him a new drink. She probably saw a picture of the motherfucker and was like, damn, she jocked. He was like, How the fuck he get her? Like, I I don't even look this damn good. I can guarantee you that.

I don't know what that is. It's just like ain't uh at the end of the day, you you come off, she comes off as petty, and probably that's not even gonna stop the young lady from marrying the dude.

Nope.

It might cause a little a little here and there shit, but if he real adult, I'm sure he'll I'm sure he'll be able to spin it some type of way.

Oh, yeah.

Because he he probably I got the stone recut, I did this, I did that, blah blah blah blah blah.

I mean, what she also gotta remember is that he more than likely and you can't how do you prove that?

It's not even the same ring, right?

How Much Past To Share

More than likely, he probably already he probably didn't tell her, but he probably was like, Yeah, you know, I used to be married, he probably see how he probably knows the bitch crazy, yeah. And he probably he probably made her sound like she was the craziest motherfucker ever. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? So it ain't like he got really worried about nothing. He if he if he laid the groundwork right, if you speaking of that, right, he he he be Gucci.

Speaking of laying the groundwork right, if you would ever in uh in another alternate universe, if he was ever to get divorced and you're dating again, how much of your how much of your relationship, your how much of your previous marriage do you discuss with the new person?

If we got if we ain't got no kids, none.

But what if she asked if she asked?

I'll tell her we've been married. I was married.

Like if we No no no I ain't saying that. I'm saying like what if she starts asking, like, so well, how was she and why'd y'all break up and this, this, and that, and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, like, what do you say? Do you do you say the real reasons, or do you give a very diplomatic train and just be like, Look, ain't no lawsuits against none of us, or this, that you know what I mean? Like the things you need to worry about, you can go search, but me and her good, we don't talk to each other, we on good terms. Or do you actually go into detail? Because I've, you know, some guys and women go into detail and they be like, nah, I think you was the problem in all those situations, and I don't know if I want to continue the situation. Like, how would you approach that?

Well, if I ain't got approaching, I ain't approaching that shit, I'll tell you that. Most definitely. Most definitely got to, but if I had to, so me and my wife don't have kids together. So if me and her got divorced, unless they ask sp specifically if I'm married, I wouldn't need to worry about it. Now, let's say they do ask if I'm if I've ever been married, then I'll tell them, Yeah, we got married, but I would tell them the real reason. Now, here's the thing about the real reason. The real reason is subjective to who it happened to.

Well, listen, there's a here, there's a what they say is a villain in everyone's story.

Yeah.

And sometimes you're the villain in somebody else's story.

I'm the villain in my wife's story. I can tell you that. I can tell you that. I'm the I'm the I'm the villain in her story. So at the end of the day, you can, oh well, you know, well, how I know you weren't the problem. Well, we're talking about perspective. In my perspective, I was not the problem. In her perspective, I was the problem. That's two totally different perspectives of why we got divorced. It's like my wife asked me, um, why me and Hawaii got why me and Hawaii broke up. So when we came to Friendsgiving, she really hoped that she she was really hoping she was there.

And I was really hoping she wasn't.

Look, me too.

Oh man. Because I ain't gonna, I ain't gonna know what I was gonna do. I was like, oh shit. Not that I had to do anything, but you know how that shit could go.

Cause she was like, she's like, well, why did you know who's gonna be? So the reason I asked, I asked D why who was gonna be there was because she asked me. I was like, Well, who's gonna be there? He said, Yeah, it's gonna be you. He said it's gonna be it's gonna be uh Wes, it's gonna be B, it's gonna be M, it's gonna be Hakim, it's gonna be all of us there. And then he said, Hawaii and the and the baby. I was like, You mean like my ex-girlfriend from Hawaii? He's like, Yeah, ex-girlfriend. I was like, Oh, okay, and this is why we're on our way. So it wasn't no way, yeah. Oh, I want to talk to her, see why she broke up with your ass. I said, Well, well, tell me why she broke up. So I told her what my perspective was of what happened, yeah. That's all I can get because if you're the person that was broken up with, you can only go by what they tell you. And I'm like, Well, she told me she never seen a successful marriage, she never seen this, and blah blah. She goes out, try to sabotage relationships when they get too serious, when they get real, blah blah blah blah blah, whatever. That's all I know. So that's all I've been told. So in my head, I'm like, I hope that bitch ain't dead because I don't want her back. Well, you know, I broke up with him because of this, this, this, this, and this, and it goes down the line of all this shit.

But knowing, but knowing her, she might have been like why would uh wifey ask that when that's been so long ago? That wasn't even your most recent one, you know what I mean? That's not even the most recent one.

Because my wife um is a is is a therapist. She she she she originally wanted to go to school for therapy, yeah. You know, we both work with kids. So when you work with kids, you become a counselor, you become a therapist, you become a a a pseudo-parent, you become a mother. You don't need you don't need that. Same thing my mother told us, same thing the count our our our counselor told her was he don't need another parent, he needs a wife. And if you keep trying to parent him and be another parent or treat her like he's your son, then you're always gonna find something wrong with what he's doing because you expect him to be your husband, but you're treating him like your child. It's two totally different things. I'm like, you know, like I told you, I said, I don't treat you like you're my daughter or you my child, I treat you like you're my wife. So I have expertise for you. But you you over here acting like, well, you know, you didn't do this, and you you come down on me like like I'm your child. No, ma'am, I am not your child. You can easily just like I talked to you, I don't raise my voice at you. I talked to you. I say, hey, babe, do you mind? Or you know, this is something that bothered me that you did. You don't want to. Well, I didn't well, why are you raising your voice right now? I didn't raise my voice to you. Yeah, like sit and talk to me. You you want we we we finally got past a point where back when we were in counseling, to where we could talk and actually get these things out. We might not agree with each other, but we will we'll we'll separate and come back and be like, all right, well uh here's how I feel about it. Like we you know, hey, I someday I'm just like, what is going on? So when she was like that, when she was like, Oh, I want to see what's what she's gonna say. That was her fishing for other flaws than me. That's all that really was. It would it had nothing to do with nothing, yeah. But knowing her, she wasn't gonna talk to her. Yeah, and I and like I was glad she didn't show up because I that means I ain't had to worry about the shit, but still she wasn't gonna talk to me.

Nah, you still gotta worry about uh that being in the back of her head, not talking to her, but more or less like, how do I get more information? I feel like he's leaving something now.

Right.

Yeah, I can say, um.

But I mean, but you know what? Knowing Hawaii, she she done she said, I mean, at the time I just wasn't ready for that type of relationship.

Her her answer might actually, yeah, that's what I was about to say. Her answer might actually surprise you because um y'all was young. So hopefully, with anybody that is uh with time, you you do some self-reflecting. And the answer it might have been back then ain't the answer what it is now. Yeah, so it might have surprised, it might, it might that shit might have worked in your favor, you never know.

Yeah, it might have.

But I'm I that's a situation I ain't willing to see. I ain't willing to see.

I don't want to find out. I don't want to find out. I don't won't find out none of that.

I don't care. Yes, I'm glad she didn't try. Yeah, I would say um the way I probably approach it is the same way I approached uh with my wife when she asked me about the shit. Because I I'll tell her what I've learned from being with those women and how I was the problem in those situations. I can gladly do that because I feel like I'm not that guy no more. But like little particulars and going through a whole I don't even remember most of the shit, so I can't do that. I can say this is probably what happened, and from that I learned this, this, this, this, this, and this, and it probably became too much, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So I'll probably give her some details as far as like how I could have been the uh the villain in the situation, quote unquote. Now I would think like if a person for you, like, and you're not exhibiting those things, but you have exhibited them in the past, that they'll be like, you know what? I know it sounds kind of kind of crazy what I'm about to say. Yes, I see what could happen, and he could still be that way, but can I manage that? And and also he tells me he wants to be better than that. Could I help him be better? Because it's gonna be the same. Like, I'm gonna help you be better, but sometimes you get into situations where it's like the woman is like, you need to already be what I don't even see you as right now. So you're getting mad at something that I'm not, all the things that I'm not, because I've never even showed you what I was yet. Like the what do you call it? The uh the potential or whatever have you, you're already working off of like, I'm already at the potential, and I'm like, sure, I just told you, and I'm doing good, I'm rising to the occasion, but I'm right here and it's right here, but I'm in the middle, I ain't right here no more. I'm right here.

That's what I told my wife. I told her, I said, you know, because we have these conversations uh frequently uh pretty often where it's especially when we watch TV shows or see other stuff. Or I tell her I was talking to somebody that does an inventory, yeah. Because all the inventory, apparently, all the inventory people in our building are women, so I it's having to talk to them all the time. How'd that happen? You know, and I always you know, every every time I'd be like, they would tell me about this, this, and this. Well, so it's always so you know, I I met this guy, this is and this, but I didn't feel like he was husband chair because he didn't display this, this, this, and this. I said, Oh, okay. Well, that sucks. Well, do you cook? Well, I mean, I cook for someone who's worth it. I said, Well, that's why you're still single, but where's your inventory? That's how I always all our conversations. I always I always end with, but where's your inventory? Because it's one of those things. I don't want her thing. I'm just out here talking to random bitches. Yeah, something like I let her know, like, yeah, you know, I get it, because you know, you work with these people and they talk to you. You're the person who's emailing them besides their boss, you're the next person that's emailing that's outside of their unit. So, yeah, a lot of times they do talk to me. Yeah, but and I and I thought I said, you know, there's there's this disconnect between men and women, whether it's black women, black men, white men, white, or maybe no, we'll stick with black.

No, I'm just no stick with all of them because we need to we need to put out there that it's not uh really a uh it's not really a race thing, it's a certain type, it's a certain type of woman thing. Because I've heard these things from certain other men of different races that their things are different, but it's still some shit that I'm like, y'all don't be fucking with that like that. And I'll be like, okay, I get it. It ain't not, it ain't just ours. It's all of them, it's all of them.

And I'm looking at strict because I've I've heard some white chicks like, oh yeah, you know, when I meet a guy, you know, I cook, you know, I if I if I cook for me and I'm meet and I date a guy, then I'll invite him over to have some food if I have enough, blah blah. But then I hear a black chick, well, you know, unless unless he worth it and showed me husband qualities, I ain't cooking for him. I'm like, well, they're like, well, did your wife cook for you when you first met her? I was like, yeah, she had a whole son. Like, so she's just gonna up and just say, come over, have food cook, and not offer me nothing. Tell me go get food on the way. That's a that's a surefire way to get me be like, Well, what the fuck am I coming over here for?

That's a surefire way to pick for you to put my jacket back on and head in the head back out. I got something to do.

Because look, this way back, oh, okay, you want me to get some? You know what? I really wanted some green turtle. All right, I'll be back and text you. Hey, well, I ain't gonna make it back. It's a little late, and they still working on my food, so I'll just hit hit you up tomorrow. That's a surefire way to have your man not not coming home, like and I told in when my wife was going through this thing of well, I'm not gonna cook for nobody, I'm only gonna buy food for myself. Um I said, Okay, cool. And so we we talked about it because she was like, Well, you can have some of the food that I brought. She she did the little HelloFresh thing for like a week or whatever. Yeah, she expected it, yeah. And then that was the other thing that she missed. So we did HelloFresh for a week, and so she sent me the thing of y'all got the coupon and I got the and you get the free whatever. Yeah, I said, All right, bet. So I tried to do it, not realizing HelloFresh has a real strict, and whoever does their coding is amazing, yeah. Because the coding on their website, if the website matches, if your address matches whoever gave you the thing, it doesn't go through. It says that you already have an account because they don't do the accounts by people, they do the accounts by address. Right, and so I thought I was like, I'm tempted to use the person's address next to us, it's just still off their it's still off the uh thing, yeah.

Well, it's y'all's because it's a sign, but it has your name on it. You could just be like, they just keep getting it wrong because it has your name on it, right?

But I was thinking about doing that, like having it delivered to the person next to us, and then but how long you won't be able to do that to make sure that I was home that day so that when it got delivered, I could run over there and go get it. Yeah, I didn't want it delivered on like a Monday and it just be sitting out there or Tuesday, and I text my wife, eight a food dance, okay. Yeah, I'll go get it. And next thing you know, I pull up at five something, and it's still sitting up there. Yeah, I didn't even say that I was gonna beat it. So I was like, I could do that, but it's a it's a risk that comes with it. So I was like, and I thought about it, like I could, and I could just wait and wait and wait, but who's to say that I was gonna be paying attention when it got delivered, or if it said it was delivered, so I had to be looking like I had to go outside on the front porch, like, oh shit, there's my package, let me go get it when I'm gonna go get it, whatever, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, nah, I ain't gonna do all that, it's no need, but it was only on cost of like 20 bucks for five days. So I was like, shit, and I could. Yeah, that's not bad. I'm thinking about it still, but if I do it, I gotta use a different address, and that's why I was like, oh, it's like, you know what, that's that's a little much but so she said you could have some more food. Yeah, say I have some more food, and so then we got into this conversation. I was like, Well, look, I look at it from the perspective of this. Once a woman tells you, tells her husband who she took vows with that she was gonna have into hold and all the other shit, and you say, I'm no longer cooking for you. What do you expect your husband to do? You expect your husband to be like, Okay, cool, I'm gonna just starve. No, he's gonna go out. Yeah, the first couple days, he might just go get fast food. Every day after that, he might be sitting at a bar.

I still don't understand how y'all just be getting into these situations. It every time you say something, I was like, Yeah, it's just so petty. And then you take it a step, and then you take and then you take it a step further, and I'll just be like, yo, come on, man.

The way we get into these conversations is just off of so a lot of times when she gets in her moods, it's not at me. So you remember years ago when we were recording, I'm not gonna say years, it was after I got married about catching strays. Yeah, that's what I be catching. I'd be catching, I'll be catching strays. So she be like, Oh, well, you know, you know, my son pissed me off, and this, this, and this, and you know what, since he won't be selfish, I'm gonna be selfish, and that goes for you too. How the fuck I get low that goes for you too, and you like yo, like what? Wow, and then she'll be like, Well, you know, you be selfish too because you be doing this, this, and this. And when I be thinking about, I'll be like, So, wait, wait, wait, you mad because I'll come home and I'll play video games over spending time with you. That's not me being selfish, that's me decompressing. That's two totally different things. The selfish you're talking about your son was the fact that he asks you for money all the time, he wants you to cook his food, he wants you to do all these things for him. I don't ask you to do for me. How am I you know what that sounds like selfish with an hour of my time?

You know what that sounds like, respectfully speaking, you know what that sounds like? You see him running me through the ringer, and you just not gonna make me feel good, or it's just kind of like, well, you also need to stop doing those things.

Discipline, Dads, And Letting Go

Hey, look, I and I and I said it, you missed this conversation you already had. I done said it to her when I tried to help, when I tried to, and you felt it, and and and that's when I realized, even though me and her, you know, you know, if we if if I can get her pregnant or we get in vitro or we get a surrogate, however, we have to do it. Mind you, we had I had to be a millionaire at this point, so that means we gotta get found by Netflix, like uh murder with my husband, and and get on there, we gotta be, you know, we gotta do all that, but that's neither here nor there. But we our parenting styles are different. And I told her, I said, at some point, you know, in a different and what really divides men and women when they're parenting, is that at some point the opposite sex of the child has at some point let the same sex do their thing.

Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding. I talk about this with everybody. I'm like, at some because sometimes I'm just interjected into situations or conversations, and I'm like, yo, when the boy hits 13, the dad really should be taking over. Sometimes a little before that. And I'm not saying the mom has no say so.

It's just one of those things well before that. That's why I said, that's why I said, and I would say, and and and and I think the mom, my bad. I I think this is where a lot of men miss it at is it's they're so busy saying, hey, go ask your mom, go ask your mom, go ask your mom. They don't they don't show up to the games, they don't really show up to a lot of the events, they don't show up to a lot of stuff. So a lot of times you only see the mom, like my mind you I've been in the education field and coaching for a long time. Ask me how many dads I done seen versus moms. Two three and I exactly for like three years, all right. And periodically I'll see an uncle, you know what I'm saying? But mom is the one doing all the stuff, so I get you know, mom wanted to be well, I put him in this sport, I put him in this, but let's say I'm involved. The the issue that me and her always have had is about discipline. Now, I'm not talking about spanking or beating no having discipline as a young man. No, I I I get that. I get that. So when he was like, I don't want to play football no more mid-season playing for high school because they're not giving you no playing time. Well, what are you doing to get playing time? That's a dad thing. Yeah, what are you doing to get playing time? Well, you know, I go to practice. Going to practice doesn't get you playing time. Yeah, are you talking to the coach to find out what you can do differently? Are you giving extra effort? Are you putting in extra reps after practice? Are you showing the practice even early? Yeah, in his case, are you even fucking going to practice because he wasn't going to practice? Like, like when he when he transferred schools from Glenbury to North County and he missed the scrimmage and didn't tell the coach he was like, Yeah, I had a scrimmage today. We it's his birthday, and I I get it. No, I don't know, it's a scrimmage. You're a kid. Well, look, he said, is a scrimmage. So what time was a scrimmage? Oh, it was at eight o'clock. Nigga, we didn't leave the house until 10:30. You could have gone to the scrimmage. Well, it's my birthday. I ain't wanted to go. And I looked back into the backseat of the car. I said, Don't be surprised if you don't play at all this season. Guess what? Down by 30, down by 40. At least Glenn Bernie, if they were winning by 40 or or or down by 40, he got in the game. That coach kept his ass on the bench. Damn. And guess why? It wasn't because you he didn't want to see what you could do. Number one, you were a 10th grader, so that means you should be more advanced than where you are right now, and you're not. So the fact that you're not even whatever, you know, it is what it is. The second thing is you didn't care about the team enough to come to the game. Yeah, that's only something that a dad can show because mom is always going to show, and no, and no disrespect to none of the moms.

If they're in protection, they're in protection mode. Like he ain't gotta do that.

Right now, I will say this there's anomalies of moms. My mom wasn't like that. If I signed up for that shit, yeah, my mom won't like that either. I don't give a fuck. I don't give a fuck if the the the the coach don't play you, you don't be on that goddamn sideline.

Yeah, at least you ain't dirty for your birthday.

Like that's it just it just depends. And and and mind you, for football, when I played football my one year, my mom didn't really want me to play football. I played football because one of my friends was playing, so I played it and I was decent at it. Yeah, um as far as triple A was concerned, I was nowhere closer to those triple A guys. Yeah, because I didn't have I didn't have that experience. But when I played double A, I was a beast. Because you got a basketball player who has an eye for a hand eye coordination, who has good footwork, can get low, can get big, who can move their feet. Yeah, you got you got a talent on your hand, but when AAA, it's a whole nother situation. These guys have been playing, playing. Yeah, so imagine you play basketball, the most contact you get is a random foul. Yeah, you tell me I gotta tackle somebody, or or play through a tackle, play right, yeah. So I would say double A or B team, whatever I play, it was fine for me. But then I didn't make weight, so I had to go to 85 AAA. But 85 AAA, those guys are my size. And I was small, but I told them, I said, look, give me the ball. I said, put me a running back, give me the ball. You know, let me get used to what's going on here. But they never really, they never really gave me that opportunity. Um they never really gave me that opportunity. I showed, and I and like I told, I told somebody else I was talking to them not too long ago. I always gave flashes that I was I was way better than what they were using me. They were like, well, we can use your kick returns, and I would do kick returns and practice, and I would run it back on the team at least 60% of the time. I will run it back. Like, who get it? Uh-uh, and just uh uh uh just do the whole thing, and they'd be like, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, this is for coverage practice. We need you to so so not only that, yeah, yeah. Y'all trying to help the covers team. So you tell me our coverage team is that bad that I'm dogging them? Yeah, no, and it was like and like one time they ran a forgot, they ran a screenplay. They didn't tell nobody it was a screenplay. I just so happened to look and be like, this looks like a screenplay. So I jumped it, got the interception. Hey, hey, hey, we're in practice. No, no, we're trying to get so so not only are you not utilizing me right, you're also trying to dumb me down. Like, get the fuck out of here. No wonder we lost every game that season when I was 85 AAA. But uh, yeah, no, I mean moms and a lot of moms, you you run into like two or three different moms, especially when coaching. Run into the moms where he doesn't want to do it no more, and he feels this type of way, so I'm not gonna make him, I'm not gonna force him to do it. That's my mind. I'm not gonna force him to go play if he doesn't want to play. Oh, he, you know, especially for shishi pay when he's playing like Little Leagues. You just paid all this money and he don't want to go to practice, he's the one goes to the games and get his five plays. That should have told you, that should have told you already that he did. He needs some display, right? Well, then you got the moms who they're a little overly involved because they think they the nigga. He solved, he solved. I told him, Stop letting them put their dick in your mouth.

I'm like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm not even talking to my son like that.

Well, that's a that's a little intense, but that's what she thinks. Got that if she thinks that's how we talk to our sons, nah, clearly, and mind you, and she was married, she was married with her husband who comes to the games. So I'm like, there's no way that you really thought your husband said that to your son. That's just how you think that you can motivate, yeah. And then you got those other ones where they're just really just there to have the kids in the sport. And if well, that's fine, you know, that's fine. Hey coach, here he is. He didn't want to come, but I brought him.

Yeah, I'll be back in an hour, right? Oh, I'm gonna be over here.

The game be going on. Hey coach, hey, uh I'm gonna be out in the parking lot. Uh send him out whenever the game's over. You got you got all right, you got so it's like uh hey look you know, like, oh yo, he cries all the time about he doesn't like playing for you. As long as you ain't beating the shit out of him, I don't really give a shit. Like it's like all right, you know, shit.

Thank you, Ms. Johnson.

Well it's it's it's it it amazes me sometimes just to see the the the the frustration that these moms get when they have these sometimes, but to their credit, if they are a single mom, they don't know no other way to be.

And I get it.

But here's the thing, these are also good moms that are married, yeah. She's the husband of the child.

It's it's some of the is uh then the it's it's the husband slash dad's fault too, because it's it's one of those things like he was saying, you gotta be more vocal in that situation and and be more present in that situation and and make her see that yo, if you like the man that I am, then then let me let me have a little bit more say-so in the uh the upbringing of our son. Simple as that. If you feel like I ain't gonna show him, I ain't gonna uh you know lead him astray, he's gonna have discipline because I got discipline. He's gonna be just not just like me, but you get what I mean? Like, I'm gonna give him that foundation, then you gotta let me do it.

Gotta let me do it.

And if I if you don't let me do it, then we uh me and you gonna have a problem because I'm like, how you see me?

Right, because you married me, but you won't let me raise him. Exactly. Like, make make that make sense. You want him to be the man that I that you married, then you gotta let me parent. Like I get it, generate things change, but if every time he comes to you and says, Mom, dad's being mean, and he won't let me quit football, and I tell you, stay out of this. This is this is this is me grooming him to be the man that he's gonna need to be. And you're like, Well, no, I'm not gonna let you do that to my baby, then clearly you think you're the nigga in this relationship. So, therefore, how about you take care of everything? Go ahead. Well, why aren't you doing this with your son? Because I when I tried, you sat here and told me I was being wrong. And at some point, mom just had to realize men raising men ain't pretty. No, it's not, it ain't pretty. It it ain't it ain't for uh, I guess for the women, it ain't for the weak at heart, because you gotta be like, let me step back and let him do his job, because at the end of the day, when you don't, you got my son, my stepson. You got him who we got on a plane and we and the lady said and and they said put your phone in airplane mode. He doesn't put his phone in airplane mode. Then he has his, then he doesn't have headphones, and he on a plane with his mute, his his stuff going out. Excuse me, um, for the courtesy of everyone else, can you please you have to turn it all the way off and turn the volume all the way down and put on your headphones? And so he turns it down a little bit, thinking I'm like, that is nowhere. Close to all of y'all. And so I tell him, I said, you know, you need some headphones. Because, you know, let's say it wasn't the flight attendant that said anything to you. It was the nigga behind you. Somebody's in front of you behind you.

Yeah.

And they get real rude and nasty. Well, I d got rude and nasty with them. I said, Well, you're also 18 years old. So me and your mother ain't there to protect you if they knock your ass out.

Yeah.

You know, those moments like, because you, well, I got re mean. I said, Well, oh, here you go. I said, No, no, no. I said, if you did that, who's there to protect you? I ain't fighting for you when they're in the wrong. Said, put your stuff in airplane mode and put your headphones in.

Yeah.

So it's either you can got me in and nasty all you want, and then you get rowdy. Guess who's pulling up on you? The air marshal who's sitting on that flight, too, who no one knows who he is. You just on there. He's just like, God dang, who the fuck is it? Hey, come with me. Now, now you got a whole different issue on your hand.

And I would have been like, and me and your mom still going.

Yeah.

You have to figure that out.

And I'm like, you and but this is what I tell you, you all these things are you babying him thinking that it's okay to speak up and do this. I'm not saying it's okay to speak up, but it's better for him to follow the rules. They say put your phone in airplane mode, put in airplane mode. Like it's not a federal law that it's not a federal offense to not have your phone in airplane mode. It becomes a federal offense that you've been told to put your phone in airplane mode, and they see it and they ask you again, you don't do it now, you're coming across federal offenses. Yeah, but it's not a federal offense to not have your phone in airplane mode. Yeah. So even though we told them like oh it's a it's a crime, we knew it really wasn't, but it only becomes it, it is it becomes a crime once they told you you could do it.

At the point that you gotta just you got to say that to uh an 18-year-old um man boy, uh unit already lost. I shouldn't have to even lie to you that is a federal offense. They said these are the rules, but you might temporarily and it's until the flight is off. That I mean until you get home, like I'm wherever you're going, you know what I mean?

So the flight has landed, like and look and they give you uh they give you movies and stuff as long as you go on their little whatever website.

I don't ever do that.

Well, the funny part is is even if you can't get onto the Wi-Fi, if you're on their site, the movies still play on your phone anyway.

And it's uh it's a local, it's a local Wi-Fi, yeah.

Yeah, so you can still watch movies, you just gotta put your headphones in. But he wanna watch his his YouTube videos and whatever.

I'm like, then download the videos beforehand, like I do, and use my headphones.

Because see what I what I do is so with with T Mobile, we get um free Wi-Fi um on planes because apparently T Mobile is taking over and they are sponsoring all these flights.

Nah, Starlink is, I think, and I think they got a uh I think they were the first company with uh with Starlink? Yeah, to use the company as a uh a backup service, uh satellite service or whatever have you. So it might just be some promotion where yeah, they're doing that, yeah.

Because T because they was like, yeah, go through T, you know, if you have T Mobile, sign, go through their website, but you but it it it for T Mobile it's a partnership.

Yeah, yeah.

You have to sign in on the rapid rewards, or you have to sign in, you have to do the the Delta flight rewards, you have to do that because it's a partnership that ain't nobody doing this shit if you ain't getting no bread from it, and so and you know, I'm just like, and I told my wife, I said, I don't know if I can fly with this little nigga no more. Like and it was fun, and I'm glad his cousin said, because his cousin lives out there, or her cousin lives out there, and he was trying to articulate something. He's like, Ma, what's what's the difference between scheduled and express? And so and I look and I'm like, I know I can't say shit because Chico won't be like, You always mean to him. So his cousin says, Nick. Exactly, schedule means you're planning for it, express means you want it now. Did you not pass English? I was like, thank you, somebody.

Yeah, but if you say it, it's two on one.

Right, it's two on one, you just being an asshole. But I'm like, this is the shit, and I I wanted to say, like, this is the shit I be talking about. How things that are common look, don't get me wrong, like I I'm not the best with words. Math is my thing.

But he's out of school, though. I don't it doesn't matter to me.

He out of school. So, like when when we were in like a presentation for the the jank, they were saying words I had no clue. So I I what does that word mean? Ma, what's the difference between express and schedule? Like, what? Like, come on, like express, like, come on, like let's use it, but it it's stuff like that. It's like, Ma, what's this mean? Ma, what's this mean? Well, and I and I and I try to tell when we first started dating and go away, and when we first got married, I said I don't think he really knows this shit, and I think he's been passed along so long that really he is well, he's he is well behind where I was at 18. Well, I mean, where he is at 18 when you said that to her, what was she saying? Well, everybody can't be like you, and you know, well, look at how you are. Your parents were strict on you, and you, you know, you you don't even have a gun. I'm like, what? I said, and I looked at her because my mom had called me not too long ago apologizing to me that you know, I'm sorry that I wasn't, you know, a nurturing mom. I was like, what the hell are you talking about, mom?

Yeah, I think I'm about to go through that same situation with my mom pretty soon.

I was like, Mom, I said you gotta look at it from my perspective. If you were like your sisters, besides Angela, maybe I don't know. You gotta look at it from perspective. You would have no money. I said, because your husband asks you for money all the time because of his upbringing and him being a real estate agent. I always have money or whatever. He laziness and your daughter who asks you for money, you pay some of her bills, but your son, your oldest son, asks you for nothing. Nothing. I don't I ask the only thing I've ever asked my mother for the house stuff after I started working. I would say before I started working, after I started working, there was two things. Two things, two things I don't I never told my mother to say. So my niece on Ultima that I got after I crashed my Apollo, she took on the bill for that and the insurance for that for that car. I paid nothing on that car, she paid it, it came out her check. The other thing was the 10 grand she gave us to get into this house. Yeah, the only two things now, mind you, the Nissan Ultima was a seven-year thing. Okay, it was a seven-year thing, but I had the car for 10 years and she didn't have to do anything else. That car, the last thing she had to do for me was the 10k. But I guess if you look at it in in retrospect, my mom has given me $27,000 my whole life. Okay, I'm 40 years old now. I've been independent, and I asked my mom for money since I was about 15. So you're looking at about 25 years and some change that I haven't asked my mother for a dime, except for the fact that I couldn't pay a car note because I had my old car note for my party that I hadn't paid off.

Yeah.

And we needed the money that to move into this house. So you're looking at of 25 years, eight years that my mom has given me money or paid something for me consistently, and that's about a thousand dollars. That's that's less than a thousand dollars a year. My stepfather and my sister asked me about for.

Yeah.

At the end of the day, that's a good run. Yeah. Like she know my mother, my mother has asked me for more money than I've ever asked her for. Hey, you know, I'm short about six hundred dollars um because I had to pay this, this, and this for your father. You know, your sister needed this, da da da da. Do you mind if I hold 600 and I'll give it back? All right. All right, send her 600. And she'll send a bagball two bees. So of anybody, she knows she could always ask me. Now I'm married, and I she know I ain't got no money. She don't ask her. Look, grand scheme of it, yeah. Yeah, you know, but I was like, and my sister said the same thing to her because she was like, yeah, Rachel said the same thing, where like, yeah, mom, I wouldn't be as independent as I am now. And I kind of scratched my head, like, if she asked you to pay something, ain't that damn independent?

But my sister I think you're what your mom was saying, that she recognized there was a somewhat of an imbalance on what she was doing. Not that she wasn't, because I believe that you should have some strictness and some discipline, right? Uh, but maybe she felt like, yo, I didn't do enough of the nurturing part either. Like there was an imbalance. And I think a lot of parents see that when they get older, like, well, damn. That's why they saw that's why they're always so good with the grandkids. Because they realized, like, shit, this is how I should have been being, and I didn't know to be that way. I was just making sure the motherfucker stayed alive, he had a roof over his head, and I kept him out of trouble. And that's what, and you know, a lot of parents probably go into the situation thinking that's what it needs to be.

Now, I on the other end of that, second chance at at parenting is the grandkids of like, oh, okay, now I now all the stuff I didn't get to do, now I can spoil this kid and all right, yeah, I'll take them back.

Because I know y'all gonna give them the discipline. Now, on the other hand of that, sometimes the mom goes overboard with the nurturing, and it's like what you said, like they ain't gotta do that, they don't want to, or they ask for some food, and even though they already made food, I'm gonna go get them the food that they actually want, or this, this, and that, and you'd be raising little monsters and terrors, like that happens. Men do that too. Men specif specifically do that with their daughters, a lot of them. So it's like, I get it. I just hope that I'm not that type of parent. Well, I already know what it is, so it's just like, yo, I'm gonna work on myself to not be that type of parent. I'm gonna try to get the best balance that I can give. Like, you definitely give your sons love, you also give them discipline. You definitely give your daughters love, you give them discipline. Those discipline parts are two different things, though, from a man to a daughter, you know, and from a son to uh from a man to a son, father to a son, father to a daughter. Two different things, two different avenues, but discipline is needed in both, and love is needed in both. And that's what I hope that I, you know, lead with when it comes to that situation, because there's ways that you need your daughter to be disciplined, right? From a man's standpoint, right? And there's ways that you need your son to be disciplined.

Money Lessons And Independence

So I know my um my niece, so my niece, and you know, maybe you can help her here. Maybe you can help her here. So my niece is a single mother with an eight-year-old son. She just turned 30. Um, and she's finding it hard to date.

Yeah, of course.

Single Mom Dating Advice

She in in in the message she sent me, um, because she asked me, she said, what is it like? You know, what is it like for me to have a stepson? And in my experience of being the single mother, I feel like men are hesitant in getting to know me because I because of the thought of having a stepson. And also, yeah, I can feel oh, that's something, but how do you know, pretty much what was my experience? I told her, I said, hey, here's my experience. But I was like, you know what? If we recorded, what would be your advice for her as far as a single mother who's dating? Because with the advice that I gave her, I said, um, I said, it, and I told her, I said, it just depends on the person. You know, um if your son's your only major concern, if he's bad, if he doesn't listen, if you're not open to having someone else discipline your child or having outside criticism, you might as well wait till you're eight wait until he's 18. Because those are all the things that men look at, well, you know, your son just kicked me, or your son, he's bad, and you just said, Oh, it's okay, babe. You're you're you're exhibiting let me coddle him versus let me let a man come in and help me. And I also put at the very end of it that you know are you going to let the man you date or marry help you raise him? Because if that's not the case, it's gonna be hard for you to date.

Yeah, I would say I would say add this to that. Like, of course, every man that gets into a situation like that, or they're thinking of those things that you just said, that's always gonna be uh front and center. What she can do to make sure, because and she should go into the mindset of thinking, every man will think this. Not even if he says he not, there will come a time, and he might not be at that moment, but there will come a time where he does. That's the time that he does. So to get ahead of that, I would say, I would say you should probably also say to her, like, yo, keep that in the forefront of your mind. Also, you're gonna have to work twice as hard because you don't have the other if the other parent is not available. If you don't have the other parent available, you're gonna have to work twice as hard. So that is not a thing that counts you out. That means making sure your son is disciplined on your from you, you instill the discipline because this guy isn't here yet. There's no guy yet.

No guy.

You have to instill the discipline, you have to instill the scheduling, you have to instill his behavior, his manners, and all those things. And once you get that in order, if it is in order, kids are still gonna be kids, they're still gonna fuck up, you'll still gonna do dumb shit. You still have to kind of go not above and beyond, but you have to also put in the mindset of you're gonna have to put both of them. You're gonna have to, you're definitely gonna take care of your son and stuff like that. You're gonna cater to his needs, you also have to cater to that man's needs. He's not gonna see it no other way, right? Because if we as a man, you expect, like, yo, that's your son or your daughter, you're gonna be doing certain things, this, this, and that. They don't want to feel left out, or you don't have time for them. If you feel like you ain't gonna have time for them, it ain't gonna work. Might work for a little bit, it ain't gonna work long term.

Oh no, not at all.

So it's just it's just one of those things she has to be extra diligent. Diligent? She has to be extra diligent and being on her P's and Q's when it comes to the rearing. And I would say if you feel like this is a man that you love and trust and stuff like that, you like his how you're going about himself, how he's going about things and what he's he's purposeful, you're gonna have to let him help. Because that's the only way that's gonna work. And I'm not saying, and I'm not saying like just mainly with the discipline, you have to you have to let him help with the the insight, the guidance, the stuff like that, the stuff that you're not gonna be able to do, not because you're not capable, because you're not seeing it from a man's point of view. And he needs to have a different type of discipline.

Right. You gotta, you gotta give, you gotta give the man the the the opportunity to really build the relationship. It can't be well, I want you to build like and and I and I think where me and my wife messed up at well because there's a lot of stepdad and uh son school relationships.

Like I see them all the time. It's just that yeah, it's when the when the mom gave space an opportunity for that to naturally happen, not doing some uh some awkward throwing both of them in the situation and shit, like having the space, but the but the stepdad got to be available too, like yo, like show show up for the kid, like right that's all you gotta do.

And I I I would tell her all the time, I'll say, Well, look, you know, you like well, you never built a relationship with him. I said, Well, every time that I try to step in, you counteracted it with you you don't gotta listen to him. And so, well, I never said that. I said, You didn't have to say, so I'd be like, Hey, you know, your mother, you know, your mother told you to clean your room. Oh, oh, I get it. I said, Well, look, you might want to get it done before y'all get before she gets home because if she gets home and she sees she's gonna cut all your shit off. So just my matter of fact, just cut it off now and just do that. Okay, yeah, I got you, I got you. Now, would you do it? Yeah, sometimes, yeah, but it was the build to that that relationship of like, look, you stay out of trouble, I stay out of trouble, we stay out of trouble. Yeah, but then it started being where I was like, You just came out the bathroom, didn't wash your hands. Why are you eating with your hands? Why you eat well, I always pick up a force. So, what happens when you go to somebody somebody's house and you talk to their dad? You just gonna eat with your fingers? Well, I always do that.

Just because you always do it don't mean that's what you're supposed to do. Right. I just like saying always, always smack out, you know what I mean?

Let's just so I said that to him. She says, Well, I do too. And she picked yours up and started eating. I said, Oh, I said, So that's the energy we okay. So then that's when so every time I would do something, and that's just all right, that's just me too. That's yeah, that's just one, that's just one example. But there's multiple examples of I would say something, and then she would turn back around and contradict and contradict what I say. So I'm like so. It'll be some I'm not I ain't worried about. I said, you know, I'd be like, pull your, you know, pull your pants up on your ass because it because in my head, the way men relate to the boys is work. I was trying not to say bitches and women just stupid in my head because I was like because that's what it's like. Do you think some some chick gonna want to talk to you? Your pants sagging. Do you do you think somebody's dad's gonna prove that you walk into the house with your pants sagging? Do you think somebody's family's gonna prove that you're eating with your hands or that you can't say words, or you can't do this, or you you go out to a restaurant with them, you don't have this other. I related to that because those are the things that people look at from men, yeah. It's not it's not necessarily she's like, Well, I ain't worried about all that, and him eating with his fork or his hands, and I'm trying to keep him alive, not get killed by the police.

That's not your only that's not your only job and your only mission, right?

Yeah, I'm like, so you're telling me that.

Yeah, and you're putting and she's putting uh respectfully speaking, she's putting y'all at a disservice because when these times come about where something could have been nipped in the bud years before, now y'all gotta work extra hard to maybe not correct the situation, but get him out of a situation, change his trend, change his mindset on some things. But hopefully at some point in time, since he is 18, he starts to see, like, all right, I need to, you know what I mean, do some but who doing that at 18? Some most of us ain't, yeah. Yeah, most of us ain't.

So it's like it's you we we done gave him the car. He he doing his own thing. She done already said she get she she getting rid of the insurance, she get so he's gonna have to pay for what's packed.

Like, I'm like, you you you done handicapped them as far as you can't give somebody something and then be like, all right, figure it out.

Right, like you, you you literally take him, you babied him all these years, and now you're telling him be a man. It's like you missed the whole gap there instead of letting me do my part, just to just to be like, Oh, well, he'll figure it out. Okay, yeah, he might figure it out.

Yeah, but at a here's the thing at when we when when when you're that age, there's been times I was uh like even in my mid-20s, it'll be times that I'm like, damn, I wish I would have known this sooner. I don't want to be figuring certain things out. I'm not saying I want it told to me or given to me, but I needed to have figured that out five years ago, you know what I mean? Like, oh, this is what my mom meant, this is what my dad meant, and then you you know, you do your thing.

Hey, if someone has a knowledge, then hey, look, this is what it's gonna be like out here. This is what's gonna happen. Like, I get it. You want you want to live your life, you want to fuck bitches, you want to do all this other shit, you want to smoke your weed, you want to drink your liquor. I get it. We all been there, we all have been there, but yeah, here's what life is like. Yeah, don't get me wrong. I've been your age, I've been fucking bitches since God knows when, and you know, hey, it is what it is. I look, but I found a way to work, get to work, get my money, get my food, fuck these bitches, and get my one night stand. But I I feel like a lot of times she she has handicapped her by not letting me say, hey, look, this is what you need to do. Because you know, at the end of the day, like if we don't raise them, everything around them is raising them. All the music, all these things, oh, I gotta be this, and even these little girls out here. Yeah, they turn, oh well, you know, it and and it's the weirdest thing. I I forgot who said it. Somebody else said it on a different podcast. It was a guy, he said, You raise your sons to not be tricked by these women, but you'll teach your daughters to trick the men.

Not even that, not even that, but also once the man that can be tricked, so it's just like, yo, was none of this adds up.

It doesn't add up, and then then he took it a step further and was like, You'll you'll you'll tell because he because the the the the whole trick and girl, you're teaching your daughters trick women's thing, that was after the whole male part. But he was like, You'll tell your sons, don't spend your money on these nappy head hoes, don't do this, don't do this, don't do this. But then you expect a man to do exactly what you told your son out to. Do you not think their mothers have told them the same shit not to spend their money on no nappy head ass hoes?

Marriage Reality And De-Escalation

Like it made no sense. I people just need to start being honest with themselves and leading with uh intention. You leave with intention, it's just like you can be good to go. Look, I thought that was the funniest because I was just like, when he's when he said it, I was things, those are things like to the average, the average open-minded, intelligent person, don't even be say it. Like, we we know how this goes, it's just there's a narrative trying to be pushed that, like you know, you ain't this if you ain't doing this, and I'm like, nah, that's not really how my world works. Anybody that's living in the type of world I'm living in, they understand that uh it costs $80 to fill up a tank sometimes. So I can't be doing so. I can't just be doing certain things if we working together. Because if you were a modern woman, you also working too. It might cost you a hundred to fill up yours, exactly. And if you really love me, we ain't doing all that superficial shit. You're gonna understand the value of a dollar, I understand the value of a dollar. There is no exorbitant spending just because just because you cook and you look good, it's just like, yeah, that's fine. That's fine. You were you, these are the things that you were born with. Whoop de fucking do that's crazy. I just like saying, yo, like now, I need to start charging for the for the for the for the meat, and it's just like nobody wants to have that conversation, they need to be paying me, you know what I mean?

Like, what if the world was reverse? Yeah, I mean, for for sure, because I've I've I've I've been sitting here and I've been, you know, now mind you're I'm a thinker. I'm a thinker. I I think all day of how to make things easier for myself. And a lot of times, and the funny part is I've taken so much of the burden of the bills on the house, my wife has so much money she could just burn, and she'd be I'll be like, Why are you you brought this, this, this, this, and this, and he returned it. Well, you know, but then I also know she's paying for him, she's paying for this other stuff for him. I'm like, and I told her, I said, you know, more money to burn if you wanted to. I said, I told her, I said, if you had let me do my part. Now, mind you, I'm not gonna say that he would have been better off because that's not a guarantee. It's not a guarantee he'd been better off or that he'd been more responsible, but at least he would have had a better understanding of this is what it's like being a man.

Or not even that, at least you can rest your head on, y'all both could rest your head on, like, yo, we did what we could do, we did what we were supposed to do. The fact that you know, both of you guys know there's something that could have been done, I'm sure that makes y'all feel a certain type of way when certain things happen. Because you can always do everything that you're supposed to do, and it's up to you know, it's up to God at that point. But when you know you didn't do everything you're supposed to, you like, damn, I fucked up.

Yeah, because I told her, I was like, you yeah, could I have been a better stepdad? Yeah, of course, of course, but would you have let me because she was like, Well, I don't want your, you know, because I and I tell the story about how my stepdad was because at the end of the day, it's what shaped me to be this responsible person who you know right now. Now, mind you, my dad wasn't my stepdad was not fiscally responsible. My mom was. I don't tell her that because I I'd rather her think that my dad was just a horrible bad guy versus why because it's one of them thing it works in your favor, it works in my favor.

I got you.

But my mom, so a lot of the stuff that I do as far as like the the the the the consistency and the the financial stuff, that was mom. As far as the discipline and the ideology of how things should go, that was my dad.

Yeah.

You know, as far as well.

So you so you had it, you had it, you had it, uh, you had it two different ways. Um from um when it comes to like uh responsibilities and adulthood. Um you got the discipline most likely from your uh mom.

I got mostly from mom.

I was gonna say your stepdad. So your mom?

Uh mostly from my mom. My stepdad, he um he did discipline, but it was very few and far. It it had to be a reason that he came down Leo.

Leo.

I mean, like as far as like learning what discipline is, not necessarily discipline, discipline.

Um learning what discipline is as far as being disciplined. Yeah, I learned that.

Yeah, being disciplined. Yeah, yeah, that's what I was getting at. And you learned the and you learned the financial uh financial um importance of finances from your mom.

Yeah. Well, I always I always tell people you can you learn lessons from everybody. Like even if even if my stepfather was a horrible person, I learned, I mean, and mind you, you gotta be open-minded, you gotta be willing to I learn what not to do as far as being a husband from my stepfather. So if it you you still learn, this is a matter of who you wanna be. Now, if you wanna now let's say, you know, my wife stay with her her her son's father, and they always in their fists fighting all that other stuff because whatever, because they both feisty what kind of woman you think he's gonna go look for? Someone's gonna fight with her because he thinks that's normal, yeah. But you gotta also get out that mind frame of that certain things ain't normal, so you gotta take the good for the bad.

Your normal could be normal, and is it healthy? Because if you're normally seeing it, that is your normal, right? So, but is it healthy?

Yeah, if your mama says don't hit girls, but you see your daddy beating up on your mother and your mother throwing haymakers back at him. That doesn't mean you go find a chick who's gonna go fight with you and throw haymakers with you. Nah, you realize I don't need to be putting my hands on one man, I don't want her to feel like she has to do that, yeah. And and not that my stepfather ever put his hands on my mother, which I mean he has, but I didn't, I've only seen it maybe once, maybe once or twice. It wasn't a a regular occurrence, but I knew that once, you know, and my mom would I once I got married, my mom told me, like, well, you know, he's done it more than once, and all them days you saw him sleeping on the sofa is because I pulled a knife out of him and said, I'll stab you ass right here.

Oh, jeez.

So it taught me that there's no need for me to put my hands on my wife. If I feel like that she's pissed me off that much, or I got that angry about it, that I just need to walk away, but you know what? Yeah, conversation stay right over here. Yeah, we're ready to sit down and talk and really talk this through. We can sit down and talk this shit through. But other than that, we I'm not, I don't feel the need to ever put my hands on my wife at all. Now, do I visualize in my head that I strangled her to death? Yes, of course, but that's one of those things in the moment like uh, but that's that comes with being a thinker of thinking through it, like instead of just reacting to it. And I think that's where a lot of us fail at is we we react to her. Yeah, yeah, and my wife gets so mad when I don't react to her, and I sit, well, you it just made me mad that you didn't say nothing. I said, Well, if I react and said, Bitch, shut the fuck up, or at least I'd have known something. I said, You said it today.

There we go. I had her, yeah, but I had a girl that says some the same as actually, I was like, I can't be with this bitch because it's kind of like yo, what do you mean? I at least I would have known how you felt. Like I told you how I felt, I just didn't say bitch, shut the fuck up. Right. I I treated you with respect because I didn't call you out your name and all this other shit, and I don't feel a need to be uh elevated with you. But the only way you the only thing you respond to when you like that is uh higher elevation, right? And I'm just like, nah, I ain't doing that.

Like I'm I'm not in the I'm not in the business of having makeup sex because we done talked so much shit to each other that we're just having this vigorous.

All that's doing is confirming that I get the you get to say that, you get to say that, and this is the end result. Uh I don't I don't want my life to be that.

So I told I said, and it's like, well, you know, you always wait a day or you you take your time and think.

I said, because I mean I take my time and think.

Oh, whoopee do uh it it it takes me, it takes us nowhere if I'm reacting with the same energy that you're reacting with.

Yeah, as men, we as men we gotta be able to de-escalate situations, even if we cause them. Yeah, even if we cause them, we gotta be able to d de-escalate because some of this shit ain't worth the you know what I mean, especially if you don't mean it. You know what I mean? That's true, especially if you don't mean it.

They don't they don't they don't see it that way, and of all things I've seen on tonight conversation, and I'ma stop here. I might it depends on how you cut me off, but I a lot of women, and and this one of one things that I think he said that was right, that the guy who actually runs the show, he he's the one that he he's the the the one that's doing all that. But um, he was like, a lot of people, you know, a lot of women, a lot of people think that marriage is the is the end result or it's the end result of relationship versus the starting point. And I was like, you know, I I agree with that because women will say out their mouth all the time, oh I want to get married, I want to get married again. I don't see too many niggas out here saying they want to get married, but I know there's niggas out here saying they want to get married.

I think more or less they say they want a family.

Right. They want a family, but you got women, I want to be married, but not understanding what comes with with that. That what comes with that is you're gonna go through trials and tribulations, you're gonna go through rich shit, you're gonna go through poor shit, you're gonna go through I hate you, I love you, you're sick, you're dying, you're healthy, you're gonna go through all these things in a cycle multiple times. And I think a lot of times when when and I and I only can speak from one perspective because I've only seen women really divorce since the divorce rate is so high coming from women, um a lot of times it's it's not what I thought it was gonna be. And I've I even heard some women say that, oh yeah, my god, you know, he made really good money, but I didn't think he was he wasn't as bisho as ambitious as he sh he could have been. And I'm thinking to myself, like, if he if he's making six figures, not low six figures where he's just making a hundred thousand, but he's making two three, two hundred, three hundred thousand. Yeah, what more ambition does he need? Like, what like you just sound unpleasable at some times.

Boredom, Drama, And Final Word

I'm gonna I'm gonna say this one statement is gonna wrap up the shorty that wanna uh tell the the new fiance about the diamond ring. I mean the diamond in the ring and what you're saying. When it all when it all comes down to it, what it all comes down to is that sometimes women just be bored. Some women just be bored, they need some excitement and they need some drama. And sometimes they don't even know, certain women, they don't even know that they're even self-sabotaging and doing it to themselves. Right. That is that's that that is the reason why. Because how the how else do you explain? Oh, he's not as ambitious. Like you want to see something, you wanna, you wanna, you got it. No, it's not even you want a reason to get out, you want what you see, but you don't know that you got what you already see. You're bored, you don't know what to do with yourself because there's no way. And shorty with the ring is bored too, and uh being petty because y'all been now, y'all been y'all been separated for four years. Allegedly, that's what that's what she wrote and divorced for two. There's no reason for you to be in that man business, so stay out that man business, and uh collectively, we just all gotta work on our relationships, and yeah, very much and uh we thank everybody for tuning in and talk to y'all next time.