The Best Wes | To Busy To Breath

[00:00:00] Welcome back to another episode of the According to Wes podcast and as always you have me Wes and for the newcomers and the recurring listeners whenever I do a solo podcast without my co-host D-Law. This is an episode of personal reflection.

[00:00:23] I do this thing where I kind of just talk out my thoughts and my feelings about certain self-improvement tools, whether it's quotes, characteristics that one might need to put into their repertoire being an upstanding adult out here.

[00:00:48] But yeah, it's a solo one today and usually what I've been doing is analyzing words and what they mean to me and if I'm living up to those words to be the man that I think I

[00:01:06] would want to be or should be who I would want to look at in the mirror. I'd be like, yo, I'm proud of that motherfucker. So lately I've been doing words. I've been doing words here and there today. I decided to do something a little different.

[00:01:23] And the reason I decided to do something different is because over the last couple of months I've been getting more and more into quotes by the famous philosophers of past like Marcus Aurelius and Plato and folks like that.

[00:01:52] And of course with anything in the past, all good things in the past kind of all good things, all things that are good for you. You know, past insight and wisdom and knowledge it holds up true to this day. At least that's what I believe.

[00:02:14] Some people might believe otherwise but it's what I believe. But one, not one quote but many quotes, but lately this particular quote of being this particular quote from Socrates beware the barrenness of a busy life has definitely been

[00:02:38] speaking to me and probably spoke to my whole 2020-23 year. My life was definitely busy as fuck. Too busy for my liking. And busy to the point where I have, I didn't have time for the basic shit that I wanted

[00:03:03] to do or hobbies or dare I say family and friends. So you know when I was younger I used to think being busy was just what an adult was like they were always working.

[00:03:19] If I was watching TV or a certain TV show, you know, but being adult was, you know, dating busy with your days trying to navigate your social life and stuff like that and navigate your friends and and going on events and going to events

[00:03:36] and parties and business trips and all that TV shit. Right. So. My perception of being an adult was always that when you're an adult, you'll be busy when you were younger, you always hear don't grow up too soon because once

[00:03:55] you're an adult, that time is gone or you have real responsibility. So in my head I'm like, well, everybody grows up. I'll be busy as fuck when I become an adult. It's just one of those things that's going to happen. Like that was truly my mindset.

[00:04:10] So I was definitely, I'm not going to say prepared for it. I was, I knew I was going to be busy, but I did not know what will come with the busyness. No one guided me or stressed the importance of making time for yourself

[00:04:34] or just making time to breathe and to, you know, smell what outdoors smells like. I mean, if you're going to say, you know what that's just smells like, but you get what I mean? Like nature and all that jazz. Right.

[00:04:53] So, but yeah, I always thought that I always felt I thought and felt I feel and think like, I always felt that, you know, that's just what you have to do. And for me, it kind of started with my Carlos life. Like I, you know, graduate high school.

[00:05:19] I don't come from a rich family, but I also don't come from a I only want to say middle class, you know, my single mom, three kids. So I'm going to say, I'm not going to say a level above poverty.

[00:05:37] We weren't poor, but my mom found a way to make ends meet. And, you know, we had things, but we also didn't have things. You know, synopsis of the background, but yeah, I graduate high school and it's time for college.

[00:05:56] So I'm like, all right, but college, another form of being an adult, I'm no one, I know I'm going to be busy. But nothing prepared me to, you know, I was the form of my busyness started way before I even got to the campus.

[00:06:15] So since I had little money and was working a part-time job and it was the beginning of the great recession, I had little money just like everybody else had little money. Most people have a little money. So I had to catch the bus with two buses, three buses.

[00:06:34] Damn, was it three? I had to catch three buses. I had to catch three buses to the campus, to the college that I was going to. Now we do have a local train system where I'm at, but catching a train

[00:06:47] will cost too much money even though it will get me there quicker. So at that time, the bus is like a dollar and some cheap stuff. The bus it is transfer with that one transfer. The bus it is three fucking buses. I wake up early, three buses.

[00:07:05] I get to the campus. My day has started. Three buses is a lot. So off the rip, three buses. So we won't keep moving three buses. Class might not start for another hour, but you know how classes are. We ain't going to go through all that.

[00:07:19] You busy in class. You're trying to stay at 10 of your bus. You're trying to stay at 10 of you trying to study. I study trying to stay at 10 of you trying to understand what the professor is saying. Yada, yada, yada.

[00:07:31] Um, and during this time, like that's where the online the online schooling and teaching and tools and stuff is starting to come about to the forefront. So I have classes that, oh, you have to use this software

[00:07:52] to do this, this and this or log on online and do this, this and this. I own no computer. So then there's me actually staying in the computer lab because I have no computer to complete assignments, to do research, to print out paperwork, all this other stuff.

[00:08:09] I'm not equipped. And since I'm not equipped, most of my time is on campus doing whatever I got to do to pass classes. So the beginning of my busy fucking adulthood. College. Fucking college. So three buses, three classes, three to two to three.

[00:08:33] You mainly through three classes a day and in the computer lab. I'm not leaving that campus until like seven, sometimes six because I don't own a computer. Three buses back home, getting home at eight, trying to do work.

[00:08:48] Just to kind of do it all over again or have a day of reprieve while I kind of do work and get my parents together to go work a part-time job. It all started there. Like this is what I need to do.

[00:09:02] This is what it is to be an adult. This is what it is to be an adult. Why am I not talking clearly today? This is what it is to be an adult. I still feel like I fucked it up. But yeah, this is what it is.

[00:09:20] I made peace with that to a degree. But me making peace with it did not does not mean it did not come with its own problems. I was stressed the fuck out. I did not have the will to do well in school because of

[00:09:39] the circumstances I was in. It just it was overbearing. Like I was not having fun. I was not meeting new people all this shit. You know, you think you want to do in college? It was just work and work. Work and work. Shit's frustrating.

[00:09:56] But you know, you're an adult. This is the beginning. This is how it is. This must be what it is for most people. Wrong. It's not what it is. So I somehow managed to persevere through all that. You know, we won't keep it short.

[00:10:22] Managed to persevere through all that, even though I bumped my head along the way to colleges later. Boom. I have a degree. I had two degrees, actually. And even though it was a shitty process, I'm still debating if I would change that for the world. Not some people.

[00:10:42] I wouldn't change that experience for the world. I'm still on offense about that. I think about that all the time. I'm not sure yet, but if you know, I guess what that means is if that was if I could do it all over again,

[00:11:03] and someone said this is the only path to get to where you at right now. Then yeah, I guess because you know where I'm at right now is OK. You know, it could be worse. But we pick up.

[00:11:15] We pick back up at my present life like right now. And, you know, I'm fucking still busy. It has not stopped. It has not stopped only because it's like, all right, I graduated college. Now it's time to make my mark, make, you know,

[00:11:33] get a career and maybe start a family and, you know, we'll get married. Maybe start a family and stuff like that. Like so I got to, you know, I got to strive. I got to do the things that's going to make me marketable as

[00:11:45] a man to a woman, a professional adult to these employers out here. And I got to do that. And I did do that. You know, I. I did some of the I did some of the things that most people do like they take that job

[00:12:09] that's two hours away just for the experience. And, you know, because that's the only way that they're going to get that experience to move in their career. Like I did all that. I did that for four years at one point in time. Like I did that.

[00:12:24] And it has gotten me far. It has got me that experience, but, you know, and I tried to take time to enjoy the simple and finer things in life. Like not as much time as I feel like I needed to. But I definitely did it.

[00:12:47] But yeah, back to today, you know, things are better. Things were things about I'm gonna say they were better things are better. And, you know, at at one point I got a job that was

[00:13:04] closer to where I live, where it can only take me 20 minutes to get there. And stuff like that. Like things were good. Got married. Things was looking great. So outside of that, things are going great with the new job and new career. I'm learning, earning good money.

[00:13:28] And something happens at this job where it's like, yo, this job might not be things up in the air. I'm not going to say the least, not now, but at that time, things were up in the air. Right.

[00:13:43] Don't know if they're going to move people around, move people out, move new people in. So on my head, I'm like, boom, went through a recession already. Let's try to get ahead of this. Let's try to get a part-time job.

[00:13:55] So get a part-time job doing what you need to do. You can move in somewhere else if you need to. You know, you can pivot all that good stuff right. Boom. I now have a part-time job and a full-time job in the profession that I am in.

[00:14:13] And I'm like, all right, but this is until I'm going to keep this until just to see what happens and stuff like that. So in the beginning, everything was smooth. I was able to, you know, I'm working from home with this part-time. So everything was smooth.

[00:14:31] It wasn't too busy. It wasn't too much work. I was able to maintain I mean, it'll maintain my nine to five was relatively low stress. So I'm like, all right, but shit is working out. This was a good idea. I'm being an adult.

[00:14:49] I'm being proactive, but at the same time, being proactive, cut down on all my fucking free time. So there's no time for family. There's no time for friends. There's no time for hobbies. But I tell myself in the back of my head like, yo,

[00:15:04] it's only until they make a decision on what they want to do. But at the same time, make the most of it. You know, so I'm making the most of it like shit. Like, and I'm not saying make the most of it like, buy, you know,

[00:15:24] buying shoes and clothes and, you know, rooms for the car and just this and that. I ain't, you know, I ain't saying materialistic shit like that. I mean, I did do it, but that's not all I did.

[00:15:36] You know, I joined the company's one week and four one K plan. And you know, I was putting up my first four checks into that motherfucker or maybe the first five checks into that motherfucker just that. And then it was like, you know,

[00:15:50] the bare minimum that they would match afterwards. I took money away from I took money away for my nephew's college fund. I took money away from my future kids college fund. Like, I was doing all the responsible things I'm supposed to do.

[00:16:07] I put money back into the house for renovation and, you know, improvements and stuff like that. Like, I'm making the most of not having the time. Making the most of earning the money and not doing the materialistic shit.

[00:16:22] Well, at least not, you know, I had to treat myself, you know? Yeah, you know, that should go. But with doing all that, I became busy as fuck when people started feeling like, you know, I was neglecting them and things of that nature.

[00:16:40] But they understood that, you know, that I'm working and stuff like that. But it started making me feel bad because after a while, you know, I got noticed with the job that things ain't going to change and some things are going to change.

[00:16:53] But I'm safe. I'm good right now because you never know what's in the future. So I'm good, but I'm still holding on to the job. I I like the idea of the extra money, of course.

[00:17:06] And what I could do with it, still not doing anything crazy or doing something like where you know, where you're like, yo, you're doing too much. Just doing a lot of the right things. So with me doing a lot of the right things,

[00:17:22] the reason why I started to feel bad was I know I could and should stop because even though those people understood what I was doing, it wasn't like I had to do it. So I started feeling bad. I was like, this shit is crazy. I only have enough.

[00:17:44] I don't even have time to play video games like I have no kids. I'm married, but with no kids, no time for video games, no time for all the shit that I like to do because I'm working weekends. I'm essentially working every day.

[00:18:00] The shit is fruitful financially, but you know, emotionally and spiritually, the shit is dry as fuck. You know, I understand what that fucking quote means. Beware of a busy life. But be aware of a beware of the barrenness of a busy life. It's not fun at all.

[00:18:23] Even back to the beginning of the college shit, that shit was not fun. It was so sucking and so crushing. Like I was just made to work. And even though I'm not made just to work, that's what it felt like, because that's what I was doing.

[00:18:39] I felt like I had to do it. And, you know, sure, I did the right things because I still have the job right now. Yeah, I'm still doing the right things with the money. Like I'm invested in myself.

[00:18:55] I'm paying off debt, not that much debt, but I pay off debt and stuff like that. But while I'm appreciative of this opportunity, I'm still missing out on time for everything. And, you know, the stuff like your hobbies and hanging out with friends and

[00:19:17] families or taking actual walks in the park, which is something I like to do that definitely fulfills my life. So without it, it's like it's nothing. And I just like thank goodness I have in like resulted to drinking or any addictive behaviors and stuff like that.

[00:19:39] I just try to stay the course. And at one point, I had to tell myself like, yo, you want to quit this soon? So you need to come up with a date and actual date to quit this motherfucker.

[00:19:54] Because you want to do all these other things more than you want to work. And it's not like you don't have a job. It's not like you don't have a good paying job. You want to have to be content within yourself.

[00:20:05] Because there's this and it's not a race for money, but this thing that you're doing to get ahead faster. You're not living your life. So the fact that I feel and know that I'm not living my life

[00:20:25] the way I want to, hell, yeah, pay myself a date and that fucking that should help. It helped a lot. Help me like, all right, pay myself a date, but I'm telling you guys this in a couple months, which it is, I just I don't know.

[00:20:41] I don't know the exact date. Depends on what's what, you know, like sometimes you get like three checks in a month if I haven't did the haven't actually looked at the calendar for the exact date.

[00:20:51] But if one of those months that's coming up is three checks a month, that's going to be the one. But put it this way, in the summertime, I don't plan to have this fucking part-time job. That is the goal.

[00:21:04] So in the meantime, I'm wrapping up house projects and shit like that. I'm doing what I'm supposed to do. But I can tell you one thing. Like I definitely understand and I didn't before, but I understand when they say money is in everything.

[00:21:18] And you know, they always say like, well, people money always say that. And I'm like, yeah, they do. And I get it. Money is not everything. And also don't believe money don't make you happy. The things that money can provide you and do for you makes you happy.

[00:21:34] Having the money does not make you happy. I don't know, you know, that's that's a that's a very how could I put it? Subjective. That's all subjective. I mean, like everybody doesn't have those views and feelings and stuff towards that. Cliche saying those cliche sayings.

[00:22:01] But yeah, I'm ready to quit. I want this summer. I wanted to be a good summer. Not like any like our summers always bad, but I mean, when I say good, I don't mean like I'm a grown man, like 37, 36 turning 37. So good to me, good summer, good, fruitful,

[00:22:24] non-barren as life for summers, you know, doing summer shit. Nice, nice flat outfits and shit. Man, wifey doing things, enjoying the family, staying away from mosquitoes, staying cool, ice cream in the park, shit like that. Like this part time job I had no weekends.

[00:22:46] And then when I, you know, because I work weekends from 10 to 7. So, you know, in the summertime, yeah, you're beating the heat from 10 to 7. But sometimes you be wanting to get out there like at 3 or 2 and do something or see something or, you know, or travel.

[00:23:07] So, you know, I couldn't do none of that because by the time I was I just couldn't do none of that because it was too it was too valuable for me to not send it was too valuable for me to not on the phone.

[00:23:24] It was too valuable, valuable for me to not actually work the days that I work because one day actually one day is actually about money for me. I said, I'm doing good, not rich, not poor, going good. If I was to have a couple kids,

[00:23:45] I'll be needing more money because that's how expensive child care is in this area. So one of the main reasons I wanted to jump ahead and get get get to things as quickly as I could.

[00:24:00] And definitely think for opportunity is definitely open up my eyes and more ways than one for one on the surface level. As you can already guess, I like this goddamn money, but I'm not willing to work two jobs for it. It ain't all that to me.

[00:24:19] And the only reason why I like this money is because I like the things that it allowed me to do. Like I felt comfortable with another aspect of life which is providing like doing that cliche shit. It's not cliche cliche, but

[00:24:40] let's just say that fairy tale, everything goes perfect, white picket fence stuff of maybe you could put kids through college. Maybe you have a fat retirement and retire with like four or five million dollars over time. You know what I mean? Compound interest, all that good shit.

[00:24:56] But like those dreams started to become a reality. So it was like a mixed bag feeling of like, yo, you don't want to work or you don't want to work two jobs to achieve that.

[00:25:10] But I know achieving that opens up a new way of living as an adult for me, where the other side of a barren life is not being able to enjoy it to its fullest. And unfortunately, we live in a

[00:25:41] time, day and age where money needs to be used as a resource and tool to do that. Like, yeah, there's going to be some concessions in what you can't do. But a lot of us who have grown up with a single parent or,

[00:26:00] you know, and things like that, we don't start our journey into adulthood like most people do. So we got to work a little harder. We got to be creative. We got to get to the money quicker where other cultures or other families, you know,

[00:26:20] the safety net is always there. They can take more risks. They can do more things. Even if they're not taking the risk of doing more things, they already equip with the knowledge and the intellect to to maneuver. You know, the rest of us got to learn it.

[00:26:40] So it's definitely opened up my eyes of the bareness of a busy life. But just the things that could lead to a barren life, a life that you're not business, nothing will grow. You won't thrive. And one of those things is the rat race, which I just explained.

[00:27:08] That I mistakenly put myself through, put myself into and didn't know until I started feeling bad. So with a new year, we definitely couldn't mess it out. Like I said, I'm going to do a couple more months and that's going to be a wrap.

[00:27:32] So yeah, I stopped the spending on. I stopped the spending on StockX. I'm wrapping up the house projects and I'm actively pursuing what I need. I'm actively pursuing what I need to do in a different way with bettering myself with the skills

[00:27:57] that I need to actually obtain a higher paying job rather than doing it that way. And being content with the things I need to be content with because at the end of the day, it's about the quality of life.

[00:28:12] It's about how I want to live, how comfortable I want to be. And we often get wrapped up in the things we think we're supposed to have at a certain time because I know I did. So I say that to say I am working on being content,

[00:28:34] smelling the flowers and not being as busy. So thank everybody for listening, tuning in. Hopefully this was insightful or hopefully you can relate and I'm going to do more of these. I know I keep saying that, but I will been busy, blame me, but don't blame me.

[00:29:06] But new episodes every week. Maybe some solo, some not. But yeah, thank you guys for tuning in. And we'll talk next time.